Burp: FreakOutNation’s SOTU Drinking Game

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When watching the State of the Union address tonight, it’s of the utmost importance to have your favorite liquor bottle or three out, with ice at the ready. Why? I have no idea, but we’re going to go with that.

It’s also good to keep a bucket nearby so you don’t puke on your nice carpet.

In the interest of bipartisanship, I’m reaching across the bar with a SOTU drinking game.

Get your bottles out.

If by the time Obama starts speaking, Republicans have not impeached him yet, have a drink, then point and laugh at your Republican neighbor.

Every time Obama says,”The state of our union is strong,” grab that shot glass and down it. One must burp afterward. (Hey, these are my rules dammit.)

Every time Obama says, “Let me be clear,” then down two shots, then stand up and twerk. (Again, my rules)

If Obama mentions ISIS, ISIL, IS, or an variation of the Islamic State, grab that bottle start swigging for freedom. Then let’s hear a resounding, “USA! USA! USA!”



If (when, I totally mean when) Obama says “fair share” then grab your friend’s shot glass and down it. Then tell him that was your share.

Every time the camera pans to John Boehner, grab his bottle and start drinking.
Boehner

If Obama mentions marijuana, then forget the booze and light that joint, mmkay?

If Obama mentions a minimum wage increase, then take a tiny middle class sip.

If Obama mentions Russia, then take two shots of Russian Vodka. In fact, do that anyway.

If Obama refers to the “poor” then you may only have a sip of water. (Again, these are my rules, you lushes)

If Obama mentions “wealthiest Americans” then take three shots but stick your pinky out while holding the shot glass. We must be proper. Then say to your SOTU-viewing friends, “Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?”

If Obama says “It’s working” then take two shots and strut around the room.

If a Republican Congressperson (you know they want to) yells out “Benghazi!” then take that bottle and throw it at your Republican neighbor.

After all of that, since you’ll be good and drunk and won’t remember most of tonight, while you’re in a blur, send lots of lots of money to:

That Anomaly Woman

123 Main Street

Anyplace, Anywhere.

USA! USA!

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