Man Robs People At Gunpoint, Tries To Run, Shoots Himself In The D*ck

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We’re going to go out on a limb here to suggest that it’s a really bad idea to rob people at gunpoint, then while fleeing from the scene, shoot yourself in the penis. According to the Chicago Sun-Times, a 19-year-old man on Tuesday, shortly after 6 a.m., walked into a business on Chicago’s Far South Side and robbed two people at gunpoint. The suspect took off with their cellphones, wallets, and cash.

As if he hadn’t made enough bad decisions in his life already, karma smacked him in his junk fast AF. As the suspect was running away, he shot himself in the penis, according to police.

The unidentified suspect was listed in serious condition at the Christ Medical Center, where he was taken into custody, according to The Kansas City Star.

Charges are pending, and detectives continue to investigate, police said.

Patch reports that the man ended a span of more than 24 hours without a reported shooting incident in Chicago.

And if his victims had a gun, they could have shot him in his junk, too. Everyone could have taken shots at the suspect’s manly bits, which may not be very manly anymore. More guns is the answer, according to the NRA. Meanwhile, the suspect inadvertently was the good guy with a gun shooting the bad guy with a gun, who happened to be him.

In 2010, at least five Americans accidentally shot their junk off. It’s like it’s a trend or something. “Hey, let’s shoot our penises off!”

Put that on your list of things not to do. Seriously, who would shoot a perfectly good penis?

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