Unfortunately, we were fooled. One of our readers alerted us that this came originally from the Daily Currant. From the tip I received, it linked back to another site which didn’t link back to the satirical site.
So, all of this is made up shit. Damn you Daily Currant!
The Politicus reports: At a meeting on Friday in Taos, New Mexico, Native American leaders weighed a handful of proposals about the future of the United State’s large, illegal European population. After a long debate, NANC decided to extend a road to citizenship for those without criminal records or contagious diseases. “We will give Europeans the option to apply for Native Citizenship,” said Chief Sauti of the Nez Perce tribe. “To obtain legal status, each applicant must write a heartfelt apology for their ancestors’ crimes, pay an application fee of $5,000, and, if currently on any ancestral Native land, they must relinquish that land to NANC or pay the market price, which we decide. “Any illegal European who has a criminal record of any sort, minus traffic and parking tickets, will be deported back to their native land. Anybody with contagious diseases like HIV, smallpox, herpes, etc, will not qualify and will also be deported.”
There was one dissenting native group called True Americans who weren’t too pleased with the move, claiming amnesty will only serve to reward lawbreakers. “They all need to be deported back to Europe,” John Dakota from True Americans said. “They came here illegally and took a giant crap on our land. They brought disease and alcoholism, stole everything we have because they were too lazy to improve and develop their own countries.” In other words, the white people are considered to be takers. Lazy, good for nothing, land-stealing, takers.
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