Norovirus Outbreak Turns GOP Convention Into A Literal Sh!tstorm

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Stories like this make me reconsider the existence of God. After all, who else could have come up with such a poetic punishment for a group of people that professionally spread misery wherever they go??

Statnews.com is reporting that several staffers working the Republican National Convention have been quarantined after showing symptoms of the dread norovirus:

As many as 11 members of the California delegation’s advance team are showing symptoms that are consistent with the norovirus, according to Peter Schade, the Erie County health commissioner, who is investigating the outbreak. They are staying at a hotel in Sandusky, Ohio, about an hour from Cleveland.

If you’re not familiar with the norovirus, it makes you vomit and poop your brains out for at least a full day. It really is the perfect manifestation of the bullshit that Republicans spew on a daily basis. And, just like the crap that the right spreads 24/7, the norovirus is extremely contagious, meaning that it’s almost certainly going to spread throughout a convention packed with thousands of racists, bigots and all-around assholes.

“We’ve got about 11 who have been sick over the last few days, and we’ve been out there every day and working with them to eliminate the spread [between] the resort and the delegation from California,” Schade said.

The health department is running tests to confirm whether the Republican staff members have norovirus.

I know, I know, you’re just as upset as I am.

As someone that regularly gets the norovirus (elementary age school kids will do that to you), I usually wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy but in this case, I’m more than happy to make an exception. If ever there was a group of people that deserved to get a non-life threatening virus, it’s the attendees of the GOP convention with its message of lies, hate and rage.

Jon Stewart nicknamed it Bullshit Mountain for a reason and now a pesky little bug is threatening to make it literal. Ha. Ha. Ha.


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