Occasionally, news comes along that mostly everyone in America is shocked by and that I’m just like “Eh, not shocking.” This is mainly because I have a trove of interesting stories I’ve inherited from others or been privy to. This is not always a good thing because you end up knowing a lot of fucked up stuff. On the other hand, people swear up and down you’d write a bestseller and be a billionaire before it was all over. This is one of those situati4ons.
A Douglasville, Ga. man was arrested and charged with bestiality after making that sweet sweet love to a goat. Deputies were responding to a report of indecent exposure after neighbors complained they had seen Freddie Wadsworth bumping uglies with the goat.
Since that’s basically all that’s being reported by the super for realsies news agencies, I’ve messaged the Paulding County Sheriff’s office for more details since I have a minimum word county. I do not expect them to take me seriously whatsoever, and I’ve been referred to another officer to ask for details. So, we’re going to talk about some goat facts and stories I know of real cases of bestiality in my local area (which is not Douglasville).
Until then, we’re going to talk about why having sex with a goat is pretty gross (other than the obvious reason). The identity of the goat has not been revealed, but if the goat was a male, male goats urinate in their beard to attract females. If this is the case and Mr. Wadsworth was attracted by pee pee beard, well, that just adds an extra “EW” factor, don’t you think? This is why my dad wouldn’t keep the goat that my drunk uncle tried to give him, which he had in the trunk of his car. Don’t worry! He had punched holes in his trunk (yes, I know this is still animal abuse). My dad took the goat, however, and gave it to a very kind man with a happy farm. So, the goat had a happy ending.
So, why is bestiality not shocking to me? Because a man in a small town I lived in was caught celebrating his successful downing of a doe by having relations with the dead doe. He was charged with both shooting a deer out of season and also bestiality. He went to jail, of course, and was later released. He was then caught again doing the same thing. I’m not sure if his main attraction is animals or if they have to be specifically dead.
Regardless of all this, my heart goes out to the goat, and I hope it will be placed on a happy farm somewhere. If I thought my neighbor wouldn’t shoot it like he shot my dog, I’d foster it. This man is obviously sick, and in a way, I hope it’s due to something that offers a better explanation than just being attracted to the goat – Alzheimer’s, dementia, brain tumor, anything.
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