Tina Fey returned to Weekend Update as a UVA graduate who had a few choice words to say about the ‘Unite the Right’ hate rally last weekend which rocked the nation after a white supremacist drove his car into a crowd of anti-racist protesters in Charlottesville, Virginia, killing one and injuring 19 others.
While she spoke, she indulged in stress-eating her way through a cake.
“I have nothing but fond memories of my time there,” Fey said of UVA. “I graduated a virgin and I still liked it. That’s how good the architecture is down there.”
“So it broke my heart to see these evil forces descend upon Charlottesville,” she continued. “And then our president, Donald John Trump, and I don’t think enough people talk about what a stupid, jackass name that is.”
“Anyway, Donny John comes out and he says that he condemns violence ‘on many sides,’ on many sides, Colin,” she continued. “I’m feeling sick because, you know, I have seen Raiders of the Lost Ark and I wasn’t confused by it. No, Colin, Nazis are always bad, I don’t care what you say.”
Fey said she heard that an “alt-right” rally is planned to take place in Washington Square Park and said, “Part of me hopes these neo-Nazis do try it in New York City and get the ham salad kicked out of them by a bunch of drag queens. Because you know what a drag queen still is? A 6’4” black man.”
“But, at the same time, I don’t want any more good people to get hurt,” she added. “I know a lot of us are feeling anxious and asking ourselves, what can I do? I’m just one person, what can I do? I would urge people Saturday, instead of participating in the screaming matches and violence, find a local business you support, maybe a Jewish run bakery or African-American run bakery.”
“The next time when you see a bunch of white boys in polo shirts screaming about taking our country back and you want to scream, it’s not our country, we stole it,” she said while still shoveling cake in her mouth. “We stole from the Native Americans. And when they have a peaceful protest at Standing Rock we shoot at them with rubber bullets, we let you chinless turds march the streets with semi-automatic weapons.”
“And who drove the car into the crowd? Hillary’s emails?” she asked.
She called out House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-WI) for not even tagging Trump in his denouncement of the amateur president’s words during the presser.
“You don’t how to @ somebody on Twitter?!” she asked. “Racism is bad @realDonaldTrump, you p*ssy!”
As for Trump tweeting about his love for Confederate statues this morning, she said, “You know he would take them down in a second if he could build a bunch of poorly-constructed condos on the spot.”
— Saturday Night Live (@nbcsnl) August 18, 2017
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